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Dear 40-going-on-30,
Who cares why some men prefer older women? The important thing is they do, and you should stick with your 30-somethings - or 20-somethings?
So what if he's ten years younger? Age is just a fact, not a condition. If you look and act 30-ish, then you probably have less in common with the 40-somethings anyway. I don't think age gaps are all that important, and certainly no good reason to go adjusting your dating habits - date whomever you find attractive and has a reciprocal interest. If you were a man in his 40's dating a woman in her 30's, I don't even think this question would come up - we live under such shameless double standards.
Rest easy, I see no mid-life crisis here, or cause for concern. On the contrary - more people should feel and behave younger than they are - life is too short to act old.
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Dear 40-going-on-30,
I doubt you are suffering through any variety of 'midlife crisis.' I believe mental and physical age tend to dissociate more dramatically as one gets older - preferably in the direction that you seem to enjoy.
Choosing the target age of your next date is usually based on stereotypes and expectations: An assumption of what you think that age group is concerned with, combined with your own goals for the anticipated relationship. A few years back I avoided women my age or older because (rightly or not) I assumed they all wanted to get married - and I didn't.
I think younger men will always be interested in older women. Sometimes, perhaps, because of the allure of money. But much more often, I expect, they are drawn by the enticement of a different, more 'mature' experience: be it sexual, intellectual, and/or emotional. I think it's less likely they are looking for a long-term relationship - one never knows, but I wouldn't wager on it. Though this doesn't imply simply a superficial interest. Searching for a new experience is a genuine motivation - even if it's just about sex. In any case, saying that a relationship based solely on sex is shallow is as meaningless and cliché as ascribing unusual age preferences to catchall midlife crises...
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May 1, 2000