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Parallax - Advice            September 11, 2000

   When getting away with cheating is too easy

Dear Conversely, Ask us a Question!

I cheated on my boyfriend and I think he might find out. I'm sure you hear this kind of thing all the time. Are there any specific things I should watch out for? I don't think the guy will ever call me or anything - it was just a one-night thing in another city - I didn't even give him my phone number. But I'm worried that I've forgotten something and somehow he'll figure it out.

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Her view:

Dear Cheater,

I must say I really like your style. You'll get away with it just fine. Another city, one-night stand, no phone numbers exchanged… I wouldn't fret too much - you'll get away with it scot-free. And hey, these things happen - what's a little sleeping around between couples? It's not as if you're married.

Besides, girls need time to figure these things out - one can't expect you to drop your whole life and focus only on him - that is the old model, and we are modern women now. Thank goodness for that women's movement thing.

You should begin to identify your new target - who is next on the list? The out-of-town pattern works well - and it's usually understood that when no phone numbers are exchanged, no follow up should ensue. Of course you always run the risk of the dork who falls for you and sends you flowers the next day with a card that says 'thinking of you, last night was amazing.' So do watch out for those sensitive types.

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His view:

Dear Cheater,

There are certain universal symptoms that a man will recognize as signs that his girlfriend has been getting touchy-feely with another. Individually, they are rather harmless, but taken together they can constitute almost irrefutable evidence of guilt.

Avoid showing him inordinate amounts of love and care. If you feel guilty, swallow it and act like before - maybe even treat him a little worse than normal. Don't give him unexpected gifts, don't try to really please him in bed, if that's not part of your usual routine.

Don't get jumpy, don't treat every question like a trap or every phone call as if it were a warning. Don't ask him to take you out on 'a special night,' like he used to, or any other request which he might consider odd or out of character.

It's not like he will figure anything out by himself. But, if there is enough weirdness going on, he'll mention it to some woman friend, or his sister, or a bartender - and then she will give him the only reasonable explanation...

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You Vote! 53% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 47% with HIS VIEW.

31% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 69% with HIS VIEW.

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