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           September 18, 2000

   He's charming, attractive and really not pathetic

Dear Conversely,

I cannot find a girlfriend and I desperately want to settle down and get married. I've dated around - just haven't found her. And I'm not pathetic. I have a good job and am attractive (I know everyone says that, but I really am). I just can't seem to land a real relationship. The relationship I'm currently in is totally unfulfilling and I'm about to end it. And then, yep - alone again. Me and myself and my stupid hobbies. Life just seems built for two - and I want kids - I want them now. How do normal people just get it all together - get out there and get themselves a girl they love and great kids to boot? It seems like the most complicated thing in the world to pull off - yet everybody does it - except me of course. So what can I do?

Dear Abnormal,

It sounds like you're very frustrated, but don't give up. I know, easier said than done. The right one will come along, but you have to make an effort to find her. Take some steps to get out and meet some more people. There are always the friend 'set-ups.' Have your friends get to work finding you a soul mate. And this may sound cliché and not appealing to you - but what about online dating? I hear it's all the rage and churches can't accommodate all the Internet weddings. No shortage of options out there.

There is absolutely no shame in you making a concerted effort to find yourself a lifetime girlie - actually girls dig that. If you are as compelling as you write - I can think of several women who'd like to meet you right now. So, weather another break-up storm and get out there.

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Dear Abnormal,

For someone who's been 'dating around,' you sound a bit naive. Do you really think all those 'normal people' have it so easy? Do you still believe that all you need to find the right relationship are looks and a good job? Do you honestly consider yourself unique - the only exception, the one person who hasn't married? And most importantly - do you actually think everyone else knows something that you don't? That there is some deep-hidden secret about love and mating that has been intentionally kept from you all this time? A secret that, once you know it, will change the way you relate to women forever?

The fact that most people choose the same formula for relationships: get married between twenty and thirty, have a couple of kids, etc., doesn't make it the only possible approach, just the most common. Find your own approach, in your own time. Don't rush into a mold that may not fit you.

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