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Parallax - Advice            October 9, 2000

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My de-facto partner just got up one day and said, 'I don't love you like I did before. I don't want the responsibility of the kids. I'm leaving.' I had no idea things were bad between us. What's going on?

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Her view:

Dear Surprised,

I don't know, but I guess it's over. Maybe he's having an affair - has been for a while - and just made a decision to leave you for his other love interest. That's just a guess. I'm sorry - I'm sure it's a nightmare. There is nothing one can offer in the way of advice, save to accept it gracefully and try to move on.

I'm sure the next period of time will be quite difficult for you. You'll just have to suck it up, and move ahead as best you can with your children. Sorry I could not be more helpful on this one.

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His view:

Dear Surprised,

Unfortunately, if you don't know what's going on, it's very hard for me to tell - it would be empty guesswork.

This guy is very good at hiding his feelings, and then exploding when he can't hold back any longer...

...or is it possible there were big signs that he was unhappy? Maybe you didn't see them because you were too busy or too preoccupied with other problems? Maybe you didn't see them because you simply chose not to see them? If there were warning signs - even if you didn't see them - then it's partly your fault, too. In your next relationship, take time to communicate.

In any case, I think you and the kids are probably better off without this gem of a man. What kind of a jerk just walks out without any attempt to work things out - without a good explanation?

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