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   Why's he so messed up?
Dear Conversely,
I have been in a long-distance relationship for five months now; I see my girlfriend every five weeks for about a week or two. She cheated on me a few weeks back, and felt so guilty that she admitted it straight away. She said it was only because she missed me 'physically.' She says she loves me and regrets what she has done, but she's still seeing this guy regularly on a friends-only basis. My jealousy is driving me crazy. What should I do?
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Dear What-a-Mess,
I think once someone has cheated they don't get to keep that person around as a 'friend.' Ha, the unmitigated gall! 'He is my boyfriend when you're not around because I missed you physically.' Come on, surely you see the ridiculousness. You're either somebody's girlfriend or you're just dating in which case - fair game. Bring it on - she should date anyone she likes, but you should be doing the same.
You have every right to be very jealous and very angry. I think it's time for the 'seeing other people' conversation. After all, it is long-distance, and cheating is already happening. If you can bridge the distance and give the relationship a real go, then great. If not, the long-distance thing cannot go on indefinitely, and at a minimum you should be allowed to see other people too.
Discuss it with her; figure out your options and what you'd both like to do. At a minimum, she should give up this friend out of courtesy and embarrassment for you.
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Dear What-a-Mess,
How can you not be jealous?
Personally, I love it when women cheat, say they're sorry, and then continue a regular friendship with their lover. It really shows they care about you and the relationship, doesn't it?
Unfortunately, your relationship has become unbalanced - and lack of balance can be deadly for any relationship. To restore that equilibrium, you may want to consider cheating back on her. Then say you're sorry but continue to see your lover on a friends-only basis.
Alternatively, kindly request that she put some space between herself and Mr. Regular Guy. Not a terrible penance, if she feels as guilty as she claims.
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November 27, 2000
80% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 20% with HIS VIEW.