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Parallax - Advice            November 27, 2000

  The seven-year difference...

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For about eight months, I have been dating a twenty-four-year-old guy whom I adore. I didn't take it seriously at first, but now I really like him. I never thought I'd get along with someone so well. The problem is that I am thirty-one, and feel a little self-conscious. His friends are so immature - some of them are twenty-one! It makes me feel funny. Also, I have a good job and am settled into a career. Although he is wealthy, he is still in school. We are both attractive. Everyone thinks he is older than me, so it's not a matter of appearance, but I still worry that I am being foolish? Should I grow up and date guys my own age?

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Her view:

Dear Ageless,

Nope, you should grow up and date guys you really like. If you're getting along famously then I don't see a problem with the age. You're not that far apart. The question in my mind is how he feels about you.

He may not be taking you as seriously - if this is true, then eventually you will get hurt. If he considers you as highly, then continue dating... there is hope for a long-term relationship here. Have a little chat; get his feelings out. If you are aligned, there is no reason to break up... even if you think others may find you foolish.

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His view:

Dear Ageless,

I don't think you're being foolish. Why grow up? Why feel old, if you don't have to? Why let yourself be self-conscious, if you're having such a good time?

You don't mention the whole settling down/marriage issue, so maybe it doesn't matter to you. However - just in case you're deceiving yourself - you can be sure that a twenty-four-year-old guy is going through the 'taste-testing' phase on the women front, and you're the current flavor. I don't mean to imply that he doesn't sincerely care for you or even love you, but the word commitment most probably doesn't form part of his vocabulary.

Other than that, why look for negatives? As long as there's chemistry and mutual satisfaction, get over it. You'll have plenty of time to be old and boring later on.

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