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Parallax - Advice            January 8, 2001

  Out with the old...

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I've been in a long-term relationship for the past three years that has seen many ups-and-downs. We fight frequently, and she tries to tell me what to do or who I can hang out with. I've really gotten sick and tired of it all, plus I met the 'nicest girl in the world' at work, and she wants to date me. My girlfriend wants another chance but I want to be with the chick from my work! What should I do?

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Her view:

Dear Restless,

Break up with her and go out with new chick from work. It's fairly simple: if you're interested enough to consider dating other girls, then you're not interested enough to have a serious, committed relationship with your girlfriend. So have fun dating. Start with the girl from work - she seems to have high potential.

Keep in mind you may later have pangs of regret if things don't work out with the girl from work. This is called buyer's remorse, and is a dating risk that one encounters when leaving the old to go with the new. But stick by your decision. You've said things are not working out with your current girlfriend - after three years, you should probably go with your gut feeling.

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His view:

Dear Restless,

Let me say this: if you turn down the girl from work, you deserve another three years of bickering with your girlfriend. If this new woman is all you say she is, then she's the perfect opportunity to jump ship and expand your horizons.

One word of warning: don't do this as a 'let's see' while you let your old girlfriend stew. Make a serious go at it. Dump your girlfriend, sever all ties, and then give the woman from work a real try. If you don't, you'll be cheating yourself out of a fine chance for a smooth transition. And if your old girl suspects that you're just putting up the whole charade for her, she'll beat you at your own game.

A few months down the line - if things with the working girl don't work out - you can sound out your ex and see if she still wants another chance. Maybe you'll even give it to her. But by that point, you'll probably have an entirely different outlook on love.

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