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Parallax - Advice            January 29, 2001

  Three's a crowd...

Dear Conversely, Ask us a Question!

I am looking for advice on some 'key' questions to help me choose between two different people I am seeing. I love them both immensely, but I know it's not fair to continue seeing both of them. I need to make a decision soon and I'm having a really hard time with it. I know I'll be broken-hearted either way but I'm starting to lose sleep. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

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Her view:

Dear Sleepless,

Sure, I'll give you some questions but basically you've got to go with your gut on this one. Who do you love more?

It's really that simple. With whom do you see yourself? How would each person be with children? Who makes you laugh more? Who loves you? With whom do you have better sex? Who is more fun? Who is smarter? Who is a better person? Who is nicer to you? Which one makes you feel great about yourself? Who do you trust? Who needs you more? I can go on for hours, but you must see my point - this is not an analysis and no spreadsheet will save you.

Close your eyes and jump. Pick one - it will work out for the best. Flip a coin. Who did you root for when the coin was in the air? Right, that's your match. If you love them both, you're not the loser. Some poor soul needs to get the boot - and getting the boot is much better than getting half of you. So decide and act on it. If you wait too long they'll both hate you and your little dilemma will be solved 'sans you.'

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His view:

Dear Sleepless,

If you love them equally (and I have to wonder whether that is possible - I mean, be honest with yourself, do you feel the same about both?), then you should focus on other qualities.

Someone as banal as my dear female colleague will probably focus on the practical qualities. For example, who is better looking? Who has the best financial potential? Whose friends/family do you get along with better, and who gets along better with your friends? And so on and so forth…blah, blah, blah.

You've probably already asked yourself all these questions, and even if you haven't, I doubt they'll help you pick a winner. If you can't choose between them it may be because neither of them is quite what you want (two good options, but neither entirely satisfactory). There is a third option, you realize...

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You Vote! 38% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 62% with HIS VIEW.

67% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 33% with HIS VIEW.

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