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Parallax - Advice            March 26, 2001



  Jealousy is never funny...

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I met this girl at a club about two weeks ago, and I've hung out with her about four times since. In that small amount of time I developed extreme feelings for her and I told her that I thought I was falling in love with her...pretty stupid huh? (I'm twenty and she's eighteen.) Anyway we got into a fight because I acted slightly jealous when she said her friend's boyfriend was cute. She took the whole thing the wrong way and said she needed some time to cool off. I told her repeatedly that I was just joking but she wouldn't accept that. She told all her friends about it, and when I asked her not to, she got mad again. To make a long story short, she says that she wants to be my friend, but doesn't want to date me right now (maybe in the future). I can't turn off the feelings that I have for her, but - being fair to myself - should I just cut the whole thing off? I know I'm too young to have these feelings but I do.

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Her view:

Dear Pushy,

Well I think you've done it. She is scared and running. No amount of chasing will help you in this situation. She is young (as are you) and doesn't want an onerous, heavy relationship with jealousy. The more you chase her the faster she'll run, with maybe the occasional bone thrown in your direction because she feels sorry for you. Follow her cue - you do not have a choice.

One future option might exist for you. Play it cool, go out with other girls and accept her decision. She may one day return if she sees you're actually this very normal great guy and decides the two of you just had a bad spell. But don't count on this. Make a clean break and move on.

The trouble with eighteen-year-old girls is that they often like a challenge and some fun…not the serious, difficult relationship your four dates has led to. So don't be pathetic - let her go. In a couple years you may meet again in some strange circumstance and perhaps things will be different. But for now, move on swiftly as she has requested.

Leaving with some modicum of dignity allows for a re-entry, should the opportunity arise. Sinking to the deepest nadir of pathetic will not get you even a 'friend slot.'

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His view:

Dear Pushy,

I don't think you are too young to be infatuated. Your girl, however, is certainly showing signs of immaturity. Broadcasting a private argument to humiliate someone else is the kind of behavior that rubs off from watching too many of those WB teeny-trauma sitcoms.

Besides, she has no intention of dating you. 'Future' for this fickle eighteen-year-old means perhaps next semester, perhaps next year - in other words, never. I suggest you go back to the club. The best antidote for infatuation is a new objet d'amour, and since you are probably the kind that falls easily, it shouldn't be hard to find.

When you do find a new girl, please try not to act jealous just to be funny. It's stupid, proves nothing, and well, it's also very WB.

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