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Parallax - Advice

May 7, 2001

Scared speechless

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!About six months ago, my girlfriend dumped me because I promised her I would go back to school and I didn't. Although she said we would still be friends, it's been two months since I spoke to her and I'd like to know what to do. I would like to be friends, but I am afraid to contact her, because I want to give her space. She has never said, 'I don't want to speak to you,' but in December, she told me she couldn't talk to me at that time. What do you think I should do? Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Waiting,

You need to decide what you want first. That was a pretty harsh dumping she gave you - all over going back to school. Does she want a boyfriend or a degree? It's not clear to me whether you want her to be your girlfriend as well. I don't know why you'd want that, after the way she's treated you.

If you are trying to rekindle a friendship of sorts, just give her a call. Who cares about her space? She dumped you, which means the onus is on her to be careful about your feelings if she wants anything to do with you. So call her up, feel it out, and decide what you want from her. If you don't know, start out with a light friendship and see how it goes.

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His view:

Dear Waiting,

First, stop counting the months. And stop trying to judge what she's thinking…and why…and where…and when. Call her, if you want to. Say hello, chat for a while, and tell her what you're up to.

Second, don't ask to see her and don't push it. She dumped you. She probably has a new boyfriend. She may still have a thing for you, but forcing your way back in isn't going to help. If you really want to get her back, you must stop needing her.

Third, get yourself a life. Going off to school is only step one. Now that you're there, find another woman. There must be plenty. School is prime real estate to recruit a new love interest. You'll kill two with one: you'll relieve yourself of your ex and have some fun on your own.

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