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Parallax - Advice

May 7, 2001

A night to remember?

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!A group of guys approached my girlfriends and I at a St. Patrick's Day celebration, and one of the guys had a crush on me. I stood up to talk to him, and within an hour we were kissing in public. We couldn't stop looking at each other much less keep our hands to ourselves. I was planning to leave with my friends, but he offered to give me a ride home since we lived in the same neighborhood. Instead of taking me home, he pulled into his garage and closed the door. I was so attracted to him that I had no problem making love, even though I had not even considered it until that point. The next day he said, 'Good morning,' and we made love again. Things were never weird. He was very sweet, drove me home, walked me to my door and kissed me repeatedly before he left. We hadn't exchanged phone numbers, so a couple of days later I mailed him a short note with my home and cell numbers, saying that I had a wonderful time and I'd like to see him again. He has never called me. So I'm confused. He was totally nice to me and we were both attracted to each other. His friends were nice to me at the bar a couple nights ago. I just don't understand why he hasn't called. I had a single one-night-stand before this, and I knew I'd never see that guy again because we weren't interested in each other. This time was so different, and I was convinced I'd hear from him again. Should I wait to run into him again and talk to him? Or just let it go? Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Confused,

I hate to say it, but what you've had is your second one-night-stand. This was an affectionate one, but nevertheless, it's still just a one-night-stand. So you should treat it the same way you would any other - it ends in one night. Sure it was affectionate and not weird, but that really doesn't mean very much. You had a nice time and so did he. End of story.

You already left your phone number and begging is not attractive. Move on, and forget all about it. These things happen - it's no big deal. You'll meet someone else you like. Just because you had a nice time for one night doesn't mean a relationship was formed.

By the way, some guys will say whatever it takes to keep you in the car. He was one of those. You don't even know his phone number for a reason - let it go.

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His view:

Dear Confused,

Stop pestering him immediately. You've done enough damage to yourself. Not only did you sleep with him on the first night, but you've practically been telling the world that you are dying for him to call.

In the best case, he is a terrible player. He has waited too long to call and he's arrogant or just plain dumb. At worst, he used you for sex - twice - and then dumped you for good.

Sure he was a nice guy, but being affable and polite doesn't mean he didn't lose respect for you because you slept with him on the first date. Sorry, but most guys are like that. Both of you were partying, drinking beer, and singing Irish songs. You ended up in his bed and that's the end of that. Guys don't have to see future potential to sleep with a girl. And many guys who choose to sleep with a girl on the first night do so precisely because they see no future potential.

Maybe he will eventually call, and you can decide at that time how to handle him. On the other hand, you may never see him again, so you might as well get on with your life. Don't be upset or angry. You gave and you took willingly, and if you really wanted to pursue this guy further, you should have held out.

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