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Parallax - Advice

June 4, 2001

She wants to hear it

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!I've been seeing a guy for about a year now, and we're living together. We're both going through divorces: mine is amicable, while his is more 'money-oriented.' We get along wonderfully - his kids, my kids, us…we all fit nicely. Last fall, he told me that he loved me. Then, in the winter, he stopped, and said that when he told me again he wanted me to know that he really meant it. Sometimes I ask him if he loves me, just to hear the words because they're music to my ears. I know in my heart of hearts that he loves me. I see it in his eyes, feel it in his touch, and experience it in his actions. He always uses the phrase us when talking to others about his own feelings. I'm very much in love with him and he's a really great guy. Am I wrong in wanting to hear those words? Why do you think he's had this sudden change and what should I do? Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Nice-Fit,

Tell him you need to hear those words.

Say, 'I love you,' all the time, and see if you get a response. I'm not sure why people have trouble with such a simple thing but, for some, it's a difficult thing to say.

It's really so silly, but he is having trouble while you need to hear those three words. Tell him how important it is to you and how happy it makes you. Let him know that you are sad when you don't get that kind of affection.

If he cannot come around and remains sans 'I love you,' you need to decide if you can live with that. It's a sad thing to constantly feel hungry for love. Even if it's just a phrase, and everything else is great, some people need to hear those words. They are meaningful.

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His view:

Dear Nice-Fit,

I agree with him: those words are too precious a commodity to say them all the time. They become clichéd and lose their meaning.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to hear them, but there is something odd about worrying so much about it, especially if you really know, in your 'heart of hearts' that he loves you.

My suggestion is that you ask him to gradually wean you off the phrase. Perhaps he can go back to saying, 'I love you,' once a week...then every two weeks...and finally once a month. If he's really a great guy, I don't see how he could refuse such a reasonable proposal.

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You Vote! 64% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 36% with HIS VIEW.

53% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 47% with HIS VIEW.

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