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Parallax - Advice

August 20, 2001

Unwelcome Moves

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!I met a woman online about a year ago. She liked me; I liked her, etc. We met, and I was not as attracted to her as I thought, but was still nice. At the same time, I met someone else, and we started going out. About eight months later we broke up, and the woman I met online wanted to be back in my life. She wanted to get an apartment together, help financially, and see where things went. I am now in the apartment, she comes here on the weekends, and she's in the process of moving in. I know I don't want a relationship with her and she gets on my nerves! What do I do? I want to date other people and I have told her I do not want a relationship with her, but seriously, she is a space cadet. She does not get it! Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Not-very-clear,

I think your weekends are over and it sounds like you have not been clear enough. Don't return calls; don't meet in your apartment. Have one more meeting in some public place to tell her it is over and you have no interest whatsoever - be extremely clear. Be cruel, if need be, but get your point clearly across with no possible room for confusion. Tell her you are dating someone else and have a new girlfriend - end of story.

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His view:

Dear Not-very-clear,

Sorry, but the "space cadet" in this story is not your online girl. She's the smart one. She's the one with her finger on the pulse, the one who's got you all figured out.

If she gets on your nerves and all that, how in all Hell did you end up agreeing to sharing an apartment together? How did you let it progress to the point where she is in the "process of moving in?"

There are no magic formulas that will save you, no clever devices, no secret escape tunnels. What you need is a good dose of guts to knock this relationship off, before she completely takes over your life.

She doesn't get it? Ha!

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