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Parallax - Advice

October 15, 2001

He loves me...not?

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!I have been on a few dates with this guy. I like him and I think he likes me too. Some dates have been better than others - I'm not quite sure why. He kissed me only once, very briefly. Still, even after a not-so-exciting date, I knew he'd call again and we'd get together. Then, all of a sudden, he completely disappears. No calls...no emails...nada. It's been almost three weeks now, and I'm starting to think he's never going to call again. It's as if he never knew me. I've been close to calling him a couple of times, but I'm not super-eager to do so. I guess I feel that we have never concluded anything and that we're letting it die from neglect, when there could be something there. Any ideas? Email to a Friend



Her view:

Dear Left-field,

Grow up and call him. It's really not so difficult. I'm sure you've been dumped, and he has the sensitivity to let it go without the difficult conversation. You, however, require that conversation, so just give him a call.

Since you've already been dumped, the rejection is out on the table for both of you to see. Since you're not sure why (and you don't know how you got here), inquire. There is absolutely no shame in that.

The most likely scenario is that he has met someone else during this time and is dating away with his new interest. These are the highest odds. There is also the possibility that he has developed an extreme sense of shyness and is too frightened to call you.

Whatever the case, just call him so that you can end the pondering and move on to a new boy.

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His view:

Dear Left-field,

Sometimes - many times - things should die. Death by neglect, while not as definitive and dramatic as other kinds, is not a bad way to go. Neglect, when properly applied, allows rapid healing (if such is needed) and the happy continuation of each other's lives. It does leave one with a lingering 'what if?' feeling, but that may be the right price to pay for avoiding other nastiness.

Keep in mind that there could be other reasons (besides neglect) that would explain why he was not calling. He could have found a new girl, or he may have reunited with an ex. What you think is neglect could, in fact, be a very conscious termination on his part. In either case, I'd suggest you let it go.

If the little voice in your head will not let it go, I offer the following plan: Continue avoiding calls and emails for a few more weeks. Then, one day out of the blue, call him to say, 'Hi.' Don't plan it. Don't sweat it. Just do it.

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You Vote! 9% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 91% with HIS VIEW.

67% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 33% with HIS VIEW.

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