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Parallax - Advice

October 29, 2001

There goes the bride...

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!I just got married and I'm in a terrible state. I realize that I no longer love my 'now' husband. I think I loved him quite a lot before we got married, but now, every time I look at him, I find him less and less attractive. What do I do? Do you think I am just going crazy or have I made a terrible mistake? Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Newlywed,

Well, let's not do anything rash. Some people get pre-wedding nerves right before getting married, but your case sounds a little bit different.

There is no real backing out now - you can't just go back that easily. So let's figure out if you really have a problem. You say you loved your husband perfectly well before. All of a sudden, he is unattractive to you. Could it be that you are upset with your new life and adjusting to marriage, in general?

Your husband is not any less attractive now than he was one month ago. So really, I think all that's changed here is you. Give it some time. Settle in and see how you do. If you have the same feelings in six months it's worth a revisit.

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His view:

Dear Newlywed,

I believe you may already be crazy, so whether you made a mistake or not is academic. Being in a terrible state is quite taxing. My dear colleague, whose advice will no doubt exhort you to remain faithful and chastise you for your lack of commitment and morals, spends a fair amount of time in terrible states herself. And she's not even married.

You appear to tie your decreasing love of husband with a corresponding drop in his attractiveness. Perhaps things have worked the other way. Perhaps your lack of love stems from his increasing ugliness.

I'm guessing your husband and you are both young. As you probably suspect, the deteriorating effects of the aging process will soon render your legally-wedded completely unpalatable. He'll become so unattractive you won't even want to live in the same house as he, let alone sleep in the same room.

Act now before it's too late. Trade in your 'now' husband for a younger, more vibrant model. Every minute you spend in a terrible state is a minute too long.

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