Featured Artist

Parallax - Advice

November 12, 2001

The logic of love?

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!Do you feel it is logical that we should be most attracted to our friends? Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Aristotle,

Yes. However, it is incest, and we would all be better off to keep our friendship lives separate from our dating lives.

I can certainly see the source of confusion. You have chosen each other for all sorts of very logical reasons. You are attracted to one another on so many dimensions. And, yes, of course, you have endless fun together...hours of amusement that would be difficult to replicate with some stranger. So yes, I believe it is perfectly logical.

Here's the glitch: You have chosen each other as friends. Friends, and nothing more. You could have chosen each other as more at the start of your relationship. At any point, one of you may have spoken up and said, 'Hey I like you.' Or perhaps tried the oh-so-subtle, slide-in for a smooch, after a night of drinking. All are very fair maneuvers early in a relationship.

But both (or you) chose not to pursue that path. Perhaps you decided to raise this person to a higher level - a level of (hopefully) a lifelong friend. You have said, 'I will not chance this relationship by reaching out for a private part.' You have assigned this relationship to purely platonic endeavors. There is another angle. Perhaps you have fantasized about the incredible hottie who sits before you, but wondered how anyone could tolerate that horrible swallowing noise when he/she sips a beverage.

There is no reason to make compromises later. You have already made your assessment and these issues will remain. There are reasons - all very good ones - why you have placed your presumed target in the friend bucket. Have the conviction to keep them there.

Back to TopAsk Us

His view:

Dear Aristotle,

It's logical in an obvious, unexciting manner. In other words, 'Yes it's logical, but that doesn't mean it's good.'

Some people love to show off by marrying their best friends. There's nothing wrong with marrying your life-long pal, but there's nothing remarkable about it either. It's no big deal. I've got a pact with my best friend (as do most of the people I know): If we're not hitched by thirty-five, we'll call the dogs off and wed each other.

Most times we end up with our friends (or we end up wanting our friends) by default, because we have nothing better going on. The best attraction is the spontaneous combustion that takes place within minutes of meeting someone. Becoming attracted to a friend over a long period of time is less likely to spark as brightly as a chance encounter in the theater ticket-line.

Becoming attracted to a friend is not so much logical, as it is predictable, and whenever I find myself veering in that direction, I don't think, 'Oh, this makes sense.' Instead, I tell myself, 'I'm not Harry, and she's not Sally.'

Back to TopAsk Us

You Vote!

You Vote! 50% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 50% with HIS VIEW.

Not enough men have voted yet.

You Vote! Do you agree more with HER VIEW or HIS?

Are you... Female or Male?

Post your view

Search Archives

Email to a Friend


Main    Ask Us a Question    Express Advice    Archives

Magazine    Gallery    Advice    Forum    Home

Copyright 2000 - 2018 Conversely, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Contact Us.
Designated trademarks and brands are the property of their respective owners.
Use of this Site constitutes acceptance of the Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy.