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Parallax - Advice

January 21, 2002

Sweet and boring?

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!My boyfriend and I have been going out for a while. At the beginning of our relationship things were exciting and fun, but now it's getting dull and boring. He's a sweet guy and I really like him. Is there anything I can do to keep his attention and keep him from boring me? Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Misery,

Well, as the story goes, welcome to the long-term relationship. From time to time you will, in fact, be bored - no doubt about it. The question is: Do you love him? If you love him, you will accept occasional bouts of boredom. However, if you're unsure, you will try all sorts of things to fix a boring relationship...because 'he's a sweet guy.'

If there is lack of love I suggest you bolt, as things will become completely tiresome and nobody likes that. If there is love (or serious like), then take some initiative. Spice things up a little. Plan events you don't normally do. Go out and buy tickets to something you know he will like. Whisk him away for a weekend or take up a new hobby together.

There are lots of exciting things the two of you can do together - start planning.

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His view:

Dear Misery,

When it comes to helping people improve their boring relationships, my sympathetic colleague always has a plethora of chirpy suggestions. I'm guessing she's been in a lot of those relationships herself.

However, I don't think your problem is due to lack of  'fun and exciting ideas.' The real issue is one of the following:
  1) You haven't yet become a real friend with him (and while the newness of sex has worn off, you're not close enough to have the kind of laid-back conversations that result from true intimacy.)
  2) Or you simply have a bona fide sack of dullness on your hands, sweet as he may be.

Not much you can do in the latter case unless you're willing to keep Mr. Nice on top of the table while you play footsy with someone else underneath. Or you can just dump him before he bores you to despair.

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