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Parallax - Advice

February 4, 2002

Seeing red

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!I need some advice on my boyfriend's relationship with my girlfriend. She's single and always hanging around. They knew each other before I met him because she used to date his best friend. They call each other on the phone when I am not around and he has gone to her house without me. I know they aren't having a sexual relationship and are just good friends, but I can't help feeling jealous. I am secure in our relationship, but I just don't understand theirs. He always wants to call her and hang out with her. I know he loves me but it's making me question him and his motives. Please, I need some advice. Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Ms Trust,

Why don't you just tell him you are not so comfortable with said arrangement? It's not that you're angry or don't trust him, but the whole dynamic doesn't feel right to you. I think he should understand that.

He'd probably be not so excited if you had a guy friend who took up a lot of your time - especially if he was not invited. I think relationships - at some point - move past the option of having single friends of the opposite sex who supercede the significant other. It just becomes difficult.

Have a direct conversation - I think he will understand and make the right accommodations for you.

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His view:

Dear Ms Trust,

Excuse me, but you are NOT secure of your relationship, neither with him or her. This is why you feel jealous.

Think about this: Whether your deep-down suspicions are correct (and there is something going on between them) or not, you don't trust this guy. You may trust him in general, but not as far as his best female friend is concerned.

Trust has to be complete to be useful. It's one thing to not trust your man to buy the right kind of milk; it's another to not trust his motives for wanting her around so much.

It is possible to learn to trust someone, but it will take a lot of work on your end - not on his. He has nothing to prove to you, and you can't ask him to stop seeing a friend of his without creating insidious damage to the relationship.

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You Vote! 63% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 37% with HIS VIEW.

33% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 67% with HIS VIEW.

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