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Parallax - Advice

February 18, 2002

Email flirtin'

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!Over the past few months I have discovered that my boyfriend has three other email accounts where he is writing to other girls. It seems he is just flirting, but I cannot be sure. I want to confront him on this, but am feeling awkward about looking into his emails. What should I do? This is really affecting my feelings toward him and I want to talk about it. Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Snoop,

I think you should come out with it. Sure, it's bad to be reading his emails, but cheating is bad too. And frankly, email flirting is cheating; it's just as bad as collecting phone numbers in a bar.

If you're comfortable with him doing that right in front of you, then cheating is hyperbole. However, if you aren't, I think you have a situation, and eventually you will leave him - one way or another. How do you know where the email flirting stops? If he's doing it now, catching him won't really put a stop to it. He will most likely get additional email accounts and continue his flirting bonanza.

So think about this: How much do you really dig this guy? You may want to poke your head out and have a look around. You might find yourself interested in some phone numbers too (non-cheating ones).

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His view:

Dear Snoop,

You can't introduce evidence like this into the case: He'll throw out your entire argument on the basis of your blatant breach of ethics. He'll say you don't trust him and he will be correct. He will have every reason to ignore your questions and you won't get anywhere with a confrontation.

I'm sorry your feelings are being 'really affected,' but whose fault is it that you went spying on him? You have no business looking at his email unless he expressly invited you to do so.

Then again, how stupid is he to allow get himself caught? I think this lack of foresight - together with his potential cheating - disqualify him as boyfriend material. You would likely do humanity a favor by keeping his genes out of the reproduction pool.

It appears to me you need to sit back and wait for him to make an even bigger blunder - one that doesn't require your spying skills. When he does that, then you can pounce. But if you simply can't keep it in, then - as my esteemed colleague would say - have at it. Just don't expect a heartfelt apology and confession.

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You Vote! 71% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 29% with HIS VIEW.

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