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Parallax - Advice

March 04, 2002

She said, 'Sayonara.'

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!My girlfriend recently broke up with me. We moved in together for only a month's time. At first, she said she didn't want to live with me but still wanted to date me. Now she says she wants nothing to do with me, that it's over, and she is moving on. I still love her so much, but I don't know what to do.Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Heartbroken,

Unless you'd like to enter the 'Stalkers Club,' I'm afraid you have no choice but to mosey along. It's heartache, I know, but she has given you no option. She is telling you very clearly that she does not love you, and she wants you out of her life. If not already, she is probably entertaining others.

Of course it hurts and you'll cry a lot, but you do have to move on - either now, or when you're ready. A given is that you must stop bothering her. She is done, gone, vamoose, no more.

Now, you'll need to start socializing again without her, meet new girlies, take up fun hobbies, etc. Try to be healthy about this. Don't dwell; just slide gracefully into life without her. It's easier than you think.

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His view:

Dear Heartbroken,

Think about it this way: At least she didn't wait two years before deciding that she didn't want to have anything to do with you. Look at the bright side. She makes up her mind quickly. She knows what she wants…and also what she doesn't want.

In any case, I don't know what makes you believe there is anything you can do to remedy this unfortunate and hurried departure. You may be able to improve your odds next time by not rushing into the moving-in phase.

Give girls more time to recognize your undeniable charm and to fall in love with you, before allowing them to witness whatever horrible things your ex saw upon starting to live with you. That way they'll have more pros to weigh against those cons…

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