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Parallax - Advice

April 15, 2002

He's crazy about her

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!I recently started dating an older woman: I am 38 and she is 51. She is divorced with two grown children and I am a bachelor. I feel the age difference might hinder the relationship a bit. She's had a 'previous life' and has decided to ex-communicate her family...including her own kids. We get along great, and plan on rooming together, but what do you think? Should I be leery about the whole thing? Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Roomie,

Well you've described nothing that seems like you're headed for a bad relationship, only some reservations about her. One is her age—not that big a gap. If she were ten years younger than you, I doubt you'd ask the question.

Two, is her relationship with her family, which certainly sounds strange. But it also sounds as though you don't understand it very well. You should talk with her about that, and find out the specifics of the situation. See if you are comfortable with her decision and the logic. If you are, let it be.

It sounds like you are having a great time and things are moving along swimmingly. Why not continue a good thing? If she's not quite right, time will tell.

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His view:

Dear Roomie,

If you take the time to read your question, you may reach the same inevitable conclusion as I did. Which is, 'Yes, you should be leery.' Leery, in fact, is not even enough. You should pull the plug on this one, and then wipe your forehead in symbolic understatement.

This is not really an age issue, by the way. This is about asking yourself what kind of relationship you can hope to have with a person who 'excommunicates' her family, including her own kids.

The only age-related question is whether you are old enough to understand that getting along great (while commendable in its own right), never makes the long fall down the cliff any less painful.

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