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Parallax - Advice

August 05, 2002

What age thingy?

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!I'd like a guy's point-of-view on dating/marrying an older woman. I'm thirty-eight, and the guy I'm dating is thirty. I look his age (people ask me if I'm in college!) and I think the age gap bothers me more than him. Can you give me your perspective, albeit without knowledge of said guy or me? Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Ageless,

An eight-year gap is no biggie. Let it go. If you're happy and you have a good relationship, let it flourish. I think your worrying is all for naught.

Certainly, if you feel he is too young for you emotionally, or has you running eight miles everyday that you don't want to run, then you've got a problem. But this doesn't sound like your situation.

Give it some time and give the worrying some rest. In a couple months, you might decide you don't like him—and it will have nothing to do with the age gap. You will soon forget about the age difference if the relationship is good.

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His view:

Dear Ageless,

Eight years doesn't seem insurmountable to me. You probably have a lot in common and he is certainly of marriage-age.

However, if I had to bet—without any knowledge of said guy or you—I'd bet it won't work out. The odds are against you.

At thirty, he may not be ready to settle down. At thirty-eight, you're probably wondering why you're not. He probably wants to wait a while before marriage—maybe a good while—which means you risk spending two years waiting for a proposal that may never come. You'll get anxious. You'll put some pressure on him. He'll squirm. He'll resent it. He'll think to himself, 'If I was dating a twenty-eight-year-old, this would be much less of an issue.' And then, said guy will meet said cute twenty-eight-year-old and...

Dating is one thing; marrying is another.

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You Vote! 92% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 8% with HIS VIEW.

75% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 25% with HIS VIEW.

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