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September 23, 2002
 
Head over heart?
Dear Conversely,
 My boyfriend and I recently spent some time apart. It was a mutual decision and one that was definitely needed. We both agreed we were losing ourselves, and needed to get that back, in order to be happy. Since we have been apart I've realized that we needed to have some time (and I think I need more time), but I also know that I love him. He says he is not ready for a serious relationship right now and neither am I. What do I do? 
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Dear Goodbye Girl,
You take your time. He is not really giving you an option—in case that was lost on you. You need to go through a real, full-on breakup. It will be miserable because your safety net is, in fact, gone. You need to envision life without him as forever, and not just a temporary try. Take a couple of months. Do all your crying and whining to everyone you know. And then get over it. I give it two months until you're back to yourself. The fact is—you will love someone else. It's difficult to picture now, but you will.
Your boy is not right for you—at least not now. And he is plainly telling you that he does not believe you are right for him either. Breakups, in stages, always seem so much easier. In fact, they do much more damage, with all that lingering. Engage in full suffering, get it over with, find yourself again and then find someone who really should be your guy.
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Dear Goodbye Girl,
Let me see if I understand. By mutual accord, you took some time apart. Neither of you is ready to get serious. What's so complicated about this?
You may want to get a second opinion, but I think you should take some more time apart. In fact, you might as well throw caution to the four winds and officially break up—let the pieces land where they may.
What else could you do? You don't have that many options. You could marry him. 'Oh no, that won't work.' You could get back together. 'Oh no, you need more time.' Where does that leave you?
Of course you'd like to have it both ways—keep him in reserve while you go out and play with the other kids. Yes. Wouldn't we all?
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40% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 60% with HIS VIEW.