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Parallax - Advice

October 21, 2002

From chat room to bedroom

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!Two years ago I began talking to this girl on the Internet and we stayed in touch for a while. Then we fell out of contact for about six months, during which time I was involved in a terrible relationship. When that ended, I began talking to her again, and friendship gave way to romantic feelings. She lived in another state, so she came to see me for a week. Things went so well, that it was agreed I would visit her in her hometown. When she returned home, she called frequently during the first week, but lately she hasn't called much. When I ask what's wrong, she says not to worry about it. A week ago, she was warm and loving. Now, she seems distant. What the Hell is going on? Email to a Friend


Her view:

Dear Offline,

Most likely, she has found another, but she's not sure it will stick or she can't decide on whom she likes more, so she is keeping you in the wings. Now, your relationship is indeed an early one, and I'm not sure on your agreements. But, most likely, this is fair game. If you haven't had 'the discussion' (that is, explicit exclusivity agreement and the use of the term boyfriend/girlfriend) then she hasn't done anything wrong.

So, if you like her, and really want to continue this relationship, you need to get back into your slot. This can be done in numerous ways, depending on the target.

Playing hard to get is the gambit with the highest odds. Give her some space, stop calling for a bit and see she starts calling you, wondering where you've gone. However, this is a high-risk, high-reward strategy because she may write you off as inattentive.

A more middle-of-the-road approach is to lavish her with attention and frequent visits. Insert yourself into that suitor slot more securely, and hopefully her distraction will just disappear because she'll be too busy to juggle.

You choose.

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His view:

Dear Offline,

Let's see. From 'warm and loving' to 'distant and aggressive.' What could that mean?

Maybe she wants to marry you!

Maybe she thinks she's falling in love with you.

You never know, women have strange ways of showing their affection.

But odds are, she's just letting you down easy. Odds are, she's had a little time to digest her visit and she doesn't see it working anymore. Perhaps it's not that she didn't enjoy the visit. It's only that she realizes a long-distance relationship is too much of a challenge.

Either way, she's being realistic. Can't blame her for that.

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You Vote! 31% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 69% with HIS VIEW.

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