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Parallax - Advice

November 18, 2002

Psych 101

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!I have an M.A. in Counseling Psychology, which has allowed me to approach my feelings of jealousy and insecurity with my girlfriend of six months in an open manner. I believe my 'hang-up' is in not knowing how to overcome my jealous emotions, despite my belief that I'm not going to lose her. My jealousy stems from the fact that she is an extremely attractive female socializing in a sometimes superficial environment (LA/Hollywood) who is approached by men (even when I'm with her) looking to give her gifts or 'hook-up.' How do I deal with my jealous feelings? Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Hung-up,

Just let it go—it's as easy as pie. This big source of jealousy is the outside world. It has nothing to do with the two of you (or her), you realize. She should certainly make an effort to deflect such advances. If she doesn't, then you do, in fact, have a problem.

But if superficial idiots are approaching her with gifts and lewd offers, who cares? As long as she quickly shuts down this behavior—and the two of you move right past it—it shouldn't bother you. She might want to try to minimize such advances by maintaining a distance from offer-inspiring situations. She knows what those situations are, and so do you.

Plan B? Dump her, and go find a girlfriend who nobody else finds particularly attractive—especially in L.A. Then see if you are more at ease.

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His view:

Dear Hung-up,

This sounds like one of those no-win, worst-case scenarios.

Perhaps what you need to do is stop obsessing so much about how to approach and how to deal with and how to handle these jealous feelings. Instead, learn to live with them. Acknowledge them and then ignore them. I mean, fine, so you are jealous and insecure. So what? What makes you so special?

There are worse things you could be. There are bigger problems you will or already have. The less time you spend moping about how sad and insecure you are, the more energy you can dedicate to enjoying your hot girlfriend.

Either that, or just admit you can't handle being around someone so attractive. If so, move on and make your life and her life better.

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