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Parallax - Advice

May 5, 2003

Flirting with disaster

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!Should I tell my friend's girlfriend I like her? I'm not one-hundred percent sure she likes me but there are looks and words I hear from her that convince me she may have an attraction to me. What should I do? Either way I'm going to get in trouble. If I tell her how I feel, and she feels the same, her boyfriend will obviously find out. Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Buddy,

Is said friend dispensable? Because he is gone, in the scenario of the 'like declaration.' There is no 'right way,' 'open way,' 'or way that can work' to let the proverbial cat out of the bag and secure both relationships. You must choose, and you must choose pre-confession.

If you care to continue the relationship with your buddy, I'd shut up, given your lack of clarity about her feelings. Girls are flirty, and her looks could mean a hundred things. She could like you...and ten other boys. Maybe she's just being flirty in front of her boyfriend to keep him on his toes. There is quite a list and it's quite a gambit.

However, if your friend is dispensable, you would have eventually excised him over something—why not his girl?

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His view:

Dear Buddy,

There are two ways to look at this.

Scenario one: You don't care too much about your friend (her boyfriend) or you have no scruples. Fine. In this case, what really matters is how you seduce the woman. Certainly NOT by telling her you like her. You wait until she tells you. You give her signs of reciprocal interest that are subtle enough to be mistaken for plain-old camaraderie, unless she also feels the same way. You flirt with her, but not too much. You build her confidence and you also drive her crazy with your nonchalance until she has no option but to fall on you like a blood-starved vampire.

Scenario two: You value your friendship. In which case, you lay low, you don't encourage her in any way, and you go find yourself another girl, somewhere else.

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