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Parallax - Advice

June 9, 2003

Dumped?

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!I am in love with a guy I met a year ago. On that day we started to date, but after a bit he dumped me for another girl. Two weeks later, we started dating again. Then he moved to the other side of the country. Every day he'd email, saying he loved me and missed me very much. Then, for no apparent reason, he dumped me again. I thought he and my best friend should go out, so they did. At first, I was jealous but I got over it. Recently they broke up. He says he still loves me and I deeply want to go out with him, but my friend is very mad at him and doesn't want me to. I don't know if I can trust him, since he's broken my heart twice. I'm also afraid that I might lose a great friend. Can you help me? Email to a Friend


Her view:

Dear Undecided,

Well this one is pretty vexing. Let's see...let's think really hard. Your dilettante has dumped you twice—once for another and once randomly. You think it wise to trade your best friend for what he has to offer. Welcome to your new doormat status.

I'm guessing the problem here is that he's a hottie and you can't seem to control your impulses. Well, get it together. Nobody likes a girl who accepts such bad treatment—it's called pathetic.

Go for two months with no contact. Date others and play sports. You will look back in two months and wonder how you could have been so naïve.

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His view:

Dear Undecided,

In the best scenario, your special someone is very confused. In the worst, he likes playing you so much (because of how special you are to him, of course) that he can't stop doing it. And now you've managed to get your friend in the game, too.

By all means, date him again. Another broken heart should cure you, I think. The third time is usually the charm—even for a glutton for punishment like you.

Unfortunately, as you say, you could lose your friend in the bargain. At this point, I think the risks of that happening are outweighed by the potential benefits of you figuring out—once and for all—what a fool you are.

I'm guessing your friend will eventually forgive you, once you've learned your lesson the hard way.

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