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Parallax - Advice

June 23, 2003


Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!Been married, done that. Raised my kids. Have a great career. I love my time alone and the freedom of not being committed. This weekend I met a man, by accident. He asked me for coffee and we found ourselves very attracted to each other. However, he admitted he was married, with kids. This is out of my usual realm so I told him he was wasting his time. Now, I'm having second thoughts. I've been thinking it would be nice to have the affection of an attractive man without the responsibility. Should I call him? Is it possible to get involved without really getting involved? I need help. I'm extremely tempted, but I can't seek advice from my friends because they are married! Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Temptation,

You will be living the life of intrigue—the excitement of hang-up phone calls and mysterious drivebys in the night. There may be some whispering as the news slowly spreads through town. Of course, you may even get the wife tantrum on your doorstep, once the jig is up.

If he is exciting enough to warrant these minor hassles, by all means have your no-strings affair. It will be difficult to keep it that way, of course, because eventually you will fall for him and notice that he is married. Your heart will be broken and you will swear off all married men forever.

You will have learned your lesson and you will be right back where you started.

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His view:

Dear Temptation,

Even if you have no moral issues with being an accessory to marital infidelity, you should try your charms on another candidate, preferably a single one, or at least one who is divorced.

You are quite deluded if you think that just because this accidental catch is married with kids, your affair couldn't get serious. You are quite deluded if you think there's no risk that you could fall for him and wind up as the concubine, while he stays loyal (so to speak) to his family.

And you are extremely deluded if you think that you can't find a willing, attractive, single man who would be happy to give you affection without responsibility (and who won't pose half as many complications as a married man out looking for a change of scenery).

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You Vote! 35% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 65% with HIS VIEW.

17% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 83% with HIS VIEW.

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