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Parallax - Advice

August 11, 2003

Stupid friend tricks

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!I've been with my girlfriend for a quite a long time but recently noticed she was avoiding me. When I happened to see her walking with some friends I made to greet her but she ignored me and all the others stared at me like I was the devil. Later I went to see my other mates and they all started laughing at the sight of me. After a few minutes they explained they told my girlfriend that I'd dumped her, which wasn't true at all! She means the world to me! But now when I try to tell her what really happened she just walks straight past me like I'm a stranger. Please help! Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Ex,

Write her a long letter and explain what happened. This is a stupid practical joke gone awry which, by the way, you can blame on your stupid friends. Surely your dream girl would understand a reasonable explanation of the events. If she is not willing to even entertain your explanation, then you can't have meant very much to her.

So, get through to her. Make her understand what has transpired and apologize on behalf of the poor judgment of your friends. Your other option is to force your friends to come clean and explain their sophomoric behavior and have them apologize profusely.

Ideally, both you and your friends would explain the whole tale together and let her sort it out. You must get all the information to her quickly, before this malarkey becomes irreparable.

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His view:

Dear Ex,

Either you are in high school, or you and your friends and your girlfriend are very good at acting the part. Maybe you all think you're in one of those teeny-bopper T.V. soaps that air between 2 and 4 p.m. about the trials and tribulations of the adolescent heart.

So in the next episode, try this. Go chat with her girlfriends and pick the most annoying one, and hit on her. Kiss her. Make your ex (even though we know she's not really your ex) jealous. In the meantime, pan over to the boys locker room, find the ringleader among your so-called mates and make it clear he's no longer your best buddy.

Next, skate over to the student lounge and put a quarter in the jukebox, pick something by Britney or Justin, and strike a morose pose for a few minutes. Just then, when the bell rings, your ex will coming flying in, all tear-streaked cheeks and bad makeup, and before the credits start rolling she'll admit that she was duped, you'll apologize for hitting on her friend, and everyone will live happily ever after.

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