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Parallax - Advice

September 15, 2003

The number game

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!The other day I was out with my boyfriend. This guy who knew my boyfriend was in the same club and we started talking. He was flirting a bit with me, but then he asked for my number, right in front of my boyfriend. Of course I pretended I didn't understand him, but he insisted. I kept waiting for my boyfriend to intervene. Shouldn't he be jealous or protective or something? Finally I gave the guy my number because I was pissed off at my boyfriend because he didn't say anything. So now I don't know what to do. The guy has called a couple of times and left messages saying he wants to see me. I don't want to cheat, but I've lost respect for my boyfriend. What should I do? Email to a Friend


Her view:

Dear Lost Respect,

You're really not the nicest girl, are you? Your poor guy lets you flirt it up in front of him—he was probably stunned from the awkwardness of the situation. And rather than stepping in to save him, you decide it might be wise to cheat on him instead.

Well, if you are going for the highest testosterone in the room, give the new guy a try. He certainly is a bold one. Of course you know nothing about him. He may or may not be a good guy (early data says no). But at a minimum, your boyfriend's behavior is unforgivable. He must not care for you at all.

It is not even worth a discussion.

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His view:

Dear Lost Respect,

I'm surprised you even bothered asking for advice. Clearly, you are a master at handling delicate situations like this one. It looks like you're just raring to hand boyfriend his head on a platter. Teach him a lesson, the weakling. Go out and see this new guy and then tell your man. Face him down in the bedroom and tell him this is entirely his fault.

Of course, your boyfriend might be a little confused. If he's even a bit self-aware, he'll probably raise his eyebrows and wait for the punch line. And when he doesn't hear it, he'll say to himself, 'Let me get this right. I trust this girl. I trust her enough for her to talk to whomever she wants. I trust her enough to turn down some idiot whom she perceives is hitting on her. I trust her enough to give out her number when she wants to make new friends—including male friends—if that's what she wants.'

Then your boyfriend will break up with you. Because you don't trust him and he clearly can't trust you. And because you just told him—shamelessly and without remorse—that you cheated on him.

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You Vote! 38% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 62% with HIS VIEW.

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