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Parallax - Advice

September 29, 2003

He's got a sweet tooth

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question!I met a very sweet girl a few weeks ago; a friend's girlfriend introduced us. She's very beautiful and smart and modest, but she may be too nice for me. I don't want to say she's boring, but she lacks an edge—especially when she's sober (which is most of the time). When she drinks a little she loosens up and can be pretty funny. Then there's the whole sex thing. She doesn't seem very experienced (which I don't mind so much, unless she's too shy to try stuff). I'm in a bind because I like her so much, but I don't know if I should keep seeing her and then hurt her later on. What should I do? Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Edgy,

You may be a little too nice yourself if you're concerned that she is too nice to have her feelings hurt by you with a few introductory dates (you certainly do not suffer from low self-esteem).

Surely, this girl is aware that things may not work out between the two of you. The first few dates are always a bit exploratory with no guarantees. If she hasn't learned this yet, then it's time she did—and from whom better than you? So introduce her to the fantastic world of nice enough to go out with but nice enough to get dumped later.

I hear the 'nice guys finish last' complaint constantly. If she is an equal opportunist she will be clamoring for some 'nice girl' neglect and abuse.

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His view:

Dear Edgy,

You're having the quintessential 'type' crisis—very common among Latin men, by the way. They suffer because they want women who are prim and proper (like their mothers) on the outside, but who evoke images of Jennifer Lopez or similar bimbo-esque fantasy girls in their private quarters.

Granted, your crisis appears to be less severe than others I'm acquainted with. You seem to have a problem with her outward primness, too. This is good because when you do decide you've had enough, it won't be only because of the sexual aspect. You'll be able to tell yourself—with a respectable degree of frankness—that she didn't do it for you on a social level.

What you need to do is to understand (and perhaps you are young and this is the first time you hear this) that it is quite difficult—indeed, nearly impossible—to find the sweet, modest, smart and beautiful girl who loves playing pranks on people and who has seen more movies from the adult section of the video store than you have.

If you're going to wait around and try to find her, you might as well buy yourself some lottery tickets. Odds are just about the same.

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