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Parallax - Advice

December 15, 2003

Creepy copycat?

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question! I went on a few dates with a guy and everything was going beautifully until an old friend of mine (who happened to date the same guy three years ago) told me that all of the dates I've had with him are identical to dates they had. First date was drinks at a bar and then up to the Empire State Building to look at the view. Second date was lunch and a walk in the park. The third was an amazing dinner he cooked in his apartment, with candles and everything. I even slept with him that night, although I didn't tell my friend. (She ended the relationship after three dates because they didn't click.) Now I don't know what to do. He has asked me out to dinner and a movie next weekend. I like him and we clicked, but I'm very creeped out by this story. Help! I don't know what to do. Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Carbon-copy,

It certainly is creepy. He sounds like a player, with a handbook for all his moves. Clearly, he's run some regression equations to determine just the right mix of activities to ensure securing that homerun (and he was indeed successful). I'm sure my male-oriented counterpart will write him off as an innocent with a few favorite places for dates.

But do not be fooled—this guy is a manipulative charmer with a fully tested-for-success dating ritual. He did not consider what you might like to do and come up with a relevant activity. Rather he merely followed his plan book assuming you would swoon. And there you went.

Do you really want to continue to be part of his predetermined master plan? He probably has your breakup restaurant all picked out, already.

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His view:

Dear Carbon-copy,

There are other possible explanations to this quandary. Sure, it's instinctive to assume a certain level of creepiness in what your Mr. Smooth is up to. But before you look him up in your state's sex offender database, keep in mind that your friend got away and lived to tell about it.

One highly likely explanation is that this guy is not very spontaneous. He's found a formula that works for him and he's sticking to it. That doesn't make him a scheming little devil; it just makes him boring. Who knows? Maybe he has a menu of dating options, and you and your friend (three years apart) just happened to experience the same three.

If he was going to use you and dump you, you already gave him that chance and he passed on it. So, I suggest you climb down from your panic station, compose yourself and make plans for Saturday night.

And don't keep your old friend in the loop. For all you know, she could just be jealous and sorry she let him go when she had her chance.

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You Vote! 27% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 73% with HIS VIEW.

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