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Parallax - Advice

March 15, 2004

Fool in love?

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question! Two months ago, my girlfriend broke up with me and started to date someone else. Since our breakup, she calls and says that although we're not together, she doesn't know what the future holds. She is twenty-three and I am twenty-nine. Is she trying to keep me on hold until something better comes along? During our year-long relationship, I facilitated a lot of changes in her life. I got her to stop smoking, helped her get in shape and showed her how to enjoy sex. How could she just leave this relationship? Why is she so hell-bent on staying in touch? Sometimes she tells me to call her anytime, and then lets her voicemail pick up. What's going on? Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Always,

You are her crutch. Clearly, you have done a lot for her and she needs you. But she is not in love with you and wants to explore other options.

However, you have changed her for the better and she sees that and wants to feel secure knowing you will catch her if she needs you. So you are, as you say, being placed on hold. You are the back-up boyfriend, should she find nobody better.

Cut the tie. This is unfair to you. Her dangling offers allow her to explore other opportunities because she knows she can keep you on hold.

Do not return her calls; do not pursue her. Let it be over. She will never come back to you this way.

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His view:

Dear Always,

You are a fool...and more the fool for being six years older, yet acting as if you are six years younger.

She doesn't know what the future holds? What kind of stupid line is that? You actually think she is trying to keep you on hold? That's wishful thinking, of the pathetic kind. You give her too much credit. She ain't that clever.

Here's what's going on. She feels sorry for you. You taught her so much. You helped her. And she dumped you. So she feels bad. That's all.

She doesn't want you back. No. She just wants to feel better about what she did to you.

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You Vote! 67% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 33% with HIS VIEW.

50% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 50% with HIS VIEW.

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