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Parallax - Advice

January 10, 2005

Sugar Daddy syndrome?

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question! Is it improper for a man to provide his girlfriend with financial support? Why do a lot of men freak out when the issue of finances crops up in a relationship, and say all a woman wants is money? Do you consider a woman materialistic if she expects her man to support her financially, even though she earns her own income and doesn't depend on him exclusively to provide for her needs? I feel that a man who truly cares should support a woman morally and financially. Am I wrong? Email to a Friend


Her view:

Dear Gold-digger,

You're wrong. Get it together; this is 2005. You should look to no one for financial support, save yourself and your family. Why should your boyfriend pick up your expenses? You are capable and have a job. You are only dating; you are not a family unit. If you become a family unit (I mean marriage), then everything is shared.

A chivalrous gesture every now and then for a chi-chi dinner or an outing is a nice feature that a loving girlfriend would welcome. However, these are 'once in a while' occasions, and hardly belong in the category of financial support.

Do you feel it is your obligation to support your boyfriend? If not, why? Now ask yourself why you feel this should somehow be different for you.

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His view:

Dear Gold-digger,

Let me get this straight. You are dating someone. You are not married nor even engaged. And yet, you are upset because your boyfriend doesn't support you financially? What are you talking about here? Do you want him to put you through school or help with your bills or take you on exotic trips?

I hold my breath as to what my colleague will say to this question, but as far as I can tell, you want a sugar daddy. And yes, you do seem materialistic.

If by 'financial support' you mean that you expect men to take women out for nice dinners, buy flowers and purchase occasional (within their means) gifts to show they care, then many men 'truly care'. They do that...and more.

Frankly, I don't think that's what you mean, nor do I think that's what you want.

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You Vote! 36% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 64% with HIS VIEW.

25% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 75% with HIS VIEW.

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