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Parallax - Advice

August 15, 2005

Need space?

Dear Conversely,

Ask us a Question! My boyfriend and I have been together for about eight months. I want to take a break from all our fighting and all the work we have put into the relationship, as things are not as easy as they were in the first few months. He is not the type of guy who is okay with breaks. He might be the guy I want to marry someday but we are both twenty-three, and I want some time to have fun and not stress over issues that keep coming up in our relationship. How do I approach him about this and make him want to take a six-month or one-year break, with an opening to be together again? Email to a Friend

Her view:

Dear Break,

First, a six-month or year break is not a hiatus. It is a breakup. So let's grow up and try not to dance around the issue with language. At twenty-three, there's a 95% chance you will not marry this guy. At twenty-three, what can you possibly have so much to squabble about? These are the most fun years you'll have-use them well.

Force the break. Tell him to take it or leave it. If he leaves it, then call it an official breakup. Using the work breakup does not mean that one day you cannot get back together, should you want to. You're arguing over senseless semantics. Take a break, and have some fun. You will break up eventually, given your current pattern. You might as well save yourself a few months of spats and tantrums. That's never fun.

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His view:

Dear Break,

Get over this fantasy of 'taking a break'. Forget about trying to convince him. If you want to break up and meet and date other people, just do it. Spare him and yourself the charade of, 'We'll see where we are in a year.'

You can always look for him in a year and 'see where you are', but don't go through the exercise of hedging your bets. It's dishonest and it never works.

Don't be pusillanimous. Make a choice and live with it.

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You Vote! 56% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 44% with HIS VIEW.

33% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 67% with HIS VIEW.

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