Not True Love           September 12, 2005

True love is hard to find. In their search, many people find love in all the wrong places. In their desperation to find love, they choose poorly. They mistake lust for love. They listen to their hearts instead of their heads. They turn a blind eye to warning signs that could head off imminent heartache. Our love gurus define true.

Pack it up...
...Or pack it in.

Not the marrying kind?
Not worth the wait!

Not the only one?
Not a chance!

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Pack it up...

Dear Conversely,

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My boyfriend and I started dating almost two years ago, right before he moved across the country. Long-distance has been tough. The first year was bliss, but after I lived with him for the summer, I realized that while I express my love through cards and gifts, he forgets. I talked to him about it, and he made huge efforts to do those things for me, but the love bubble had burst. Since then, I have been unhappy and fuss at him almost every week. I am about to graduate from college, and the plan was for me to join him. I've always cringed at women who follow men. Should I uproot myself when he didn't do that for me? Do I break up with him and wait for another guy to put me on a pedestal? We love each other and communicate very well. I hope that this unhappiness is just weariness from two years of a long-distance relationship, but I'm scared to move out there and find the unhappiness is because we aren't meant to be together.

Her view:

Dear Moving Blues,

Well first, you must think about what you are really giving up to move. Is it a hot job prospect, graduate school, or something else? If it is purely a location decision, then it doesn't sound like such a concession.

Next, you say he has made huge efforts and that you really love him. So what is the problem? Maybe you are just cranky, bored, and tired of the distance as you say. But if you are already frustrated, it's a hard time to contemplate a move. Maybe you should let your guy in on your uneasiness and see if he can help you sort it out. Maybe he would move for you. Have you asked? Do you really want that?

Give the open discussion a shot. If you are not getting the signs of undying love that warrant a move, then call it off.

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His view:

Dear Moving Blues,

The signs are clear. You ignore them at your own risk. Having said that, you will learn the hard way at least once in your life.

If it's not this time, it will probably be another. In other words, if you move out and it doesn't work out, the experience won't be a complete loss. You'll be better off in many ways, having lived through it. Just prepare yourself and keep an open mind. Going across the country might give you a chance to meet new people, live new adventures, and reassess your priorities. It might turn out that the man is the footnote to the story.

If you don't go, you'll never find out. Sometimes the best answer is to face down your fears, rather than avoid them.

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You Vote! 50% of Women agree with HER VIEW and 50% with HIS VIEW.

33% of Men agree with HER VIEW and 67% with HIS VIEW.

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